lol

so hey here i am writing for the first time in my blog. it is sort of a diary i suppose.  so if you do come across this and your name isnt kole, why would you be reading this.  really.  like, this is my shit.  ha. i laughed.  anyway, what to say what to say?  right now sara is laying in my bed doing homework.  i am writing this.  which isnt homework. i am pretending to do homework.  lulz.  i really should get my life figured out.  like sometime soon.  because honestly, it scares me.  i need to do something with it.  one- because well fuck if i dont do anything in college what will i do the rest of my life and two- what will sara think?  i dont want her to leave me.  i can honestly and completely admit that i love her.  i have never said that to anyone, ever.  well, to my mom a few times and some friends and family, but you get the picture.  never to a girl.  i dont use it lightly.  i really do deeply care for her.  i can see myself marrying her.  having kids.  living together.  living out the rest of our lives.  i feel right.  happy.  in place.  we have a natural.... attraction to each other.  its hard to stay away or not think about her.  she is everything i want.  i really am a different person.  i hardly ever have longings for video games. i am more productive.  i exercise.  i am more outgoing.  i am nicer.  i am just ... !  yeah. really.  does that blow your mind?  its does for me.  the scariest thing however, is what would it be like if we do end up breaking up again.  and this time, for good.  what will i be like then?  i remember how terrible i was after the first time we broke up.  and i think it would even be worse this time around.  we are forever attached to each other.  she is my first love, my only love... life is long and full of the unknown, but i am willing to brave the storm.